Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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