nut hugger
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
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