i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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