I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
