Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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