..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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