Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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