I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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