I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
