i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
