dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
