I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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