Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
