Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
