when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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