i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
