Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
NoShamevember. You game?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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