Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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