I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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