Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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