i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
