If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
