Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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