we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize