apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I could fuck to npr.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
