you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
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