Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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