do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I still have a little drunk in my system
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
