Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
