I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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