so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
