I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
