She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
