I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
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