How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
