Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
