I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
