what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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