Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize