I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
