I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
