also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
