we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
