i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
this hospital has no fireball
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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