i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He passed out mid-signature
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
