happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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