Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Randomize
