I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize