apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
