So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
