I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
