My Higher Power is John Stamos
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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