From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
