It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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