THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
