And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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