I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
