Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize