He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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