It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
