Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
