Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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