Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
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