He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
