Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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