I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
