Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
