i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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