Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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