Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i think i have two assholes
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
