I think I died a long time ago.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
