You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
