he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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