i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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