I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
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