tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I can't turn off my feet"
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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