she looked like the before picture.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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