Apparently you make a good broom.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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