I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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