We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
