can we get nightvision for the apartment?
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
