if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
