just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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