Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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