Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
