Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
oh god was she eating orange peels again
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
