Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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