Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
she woke up with a sticky ear
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
