as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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