So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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