I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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