i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
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